Two is harder than one.

So... I've felt inspired to write a bit about the leap from one to two children, which is a phenomenon I've experienced in the last 7(ish) months and I think I'm still reeling from. Whilst not quite wanting to put anyone off  (it's worth it, it is), I do want to be honest about it. I read two books when I was pregnant and was feeling quite scared about how I'd manage. One said it was going to be very hard and one said it was nowhere near as hard as she, the writer, thought it would be (aside from the first six weeks) and not to let fear detract from enjoying the pregnancy. Well, I decided to believe the latter. Hmm. I think I should have gone with the former. Now when I see someone heavily pregnant with a toddler in tow I almost want to warn them and actually sometimes fire a message to a friend to tell them they can call any time when the next one comes along because I know what it's like. Eek.

To be honest, I always find it very reassuring when people are honest about how hard they find things, Life in general. It makes me feel well, it's alright after all. If this is supposed to be hard then perhaps I'm not actually failing at it as much as I thought I was. I have a few very good and wise friends who always understand how hard things can be and they give me this sense of reassurance every time I get on the phone to them. The hallmark of a good conversation, I think, is that when you're finding things tough and make the call you get off the phone feeling better afterwards. Anyway. I digress. The point is, I want to be honest about it. Something my sister, Faye, said to me is that her friend thought having a second child might be just a bit harder than having one, when actually the reality is that it's more than double the work. I've thought about this and, yeah, I have to say I think it's true. Not only have you got to do two bedtimes instead of one, et cetera, but you also have two children vying for your attention, twice the volume when they're both crying (which they somehow always tend to do) and the feeling of never quite keeping anyone happy, just to add to the stress.

For the first few months I was astounded at how much I had to use TV to get through the day. I felt like I was living in a Peppa Pig fog. I sometimes found myself in dialogue with Daddy Pig, my new source of day-time adult company. Even now, when I put it on, it gives me this kind of nostalgic feeling and memories of Isaac being a newborn. I almost know the little jokes (designed for parents) by heart. Me, who swore I'd never have a TV in the house and no I would definitely not ever, not ever hand Gracie my phone to watch something on the TV, was clocking about 3 hours screen time for Grace a day. This felt like constant failure. But then I spoke to Faye again and decided to give myself the 4th trimester 'off' - as in no standards, in the usual way. Did you know, she told me, that in South Korea the women are given 100, yes one hundred days to recover from birth. The woman is seen as 'cold' because she has lost blood in childbirth (sorry, Reader) and so she is encouraged to drink all kinds of teas and have warm baths and not allowed even slightly-less-warm showers.  Wow. It's expected that the mother needs time to recover and look after the baby. We call that the 4th trimester here, but I don't really think we bother much about it. I think we wear it as a kind of medal if we're back in Sainsbury's the same week the baby is born and start a crash diet/running regime to lose the baby weight, even though we feel absolutely famished from sleep deprivation and possibly breastfeeding, or both.

One of the reasons it was so hard at first is because I had yet another colicky baby. But this time I had one who was colicky after every feed, not just in the evenings, and also from two weeks in... I remember the nights, oh the nights. Walking up and down my bedroom with Isaac in a carrier - he wouldn't fall asleep whilst nursing - and me having to put the hood over it so it went pitch-black and he'd finally, finally, go to sleep. I remember one particularly bad night where I felt like I could fall asleep on my feet but I had to keep pacing, and it was a good hour and a bit. And I'd been told that second babies are more 'chilled out' than first ones , and that they just 'slot in' and that 'boys are way easier than girls.' And with Gracie being so highly emotional, I thought surely I was due a placid one, wasn't I?

Anyway, the good news is that the colic did come to an eventual end - around month 3 - and it has become easier. Also mainly because we just bought a large flat screen TV and joined the Human Race, so I don't have to now look for the charger for my laptop and position it carefully so that a) Gracie can see it but not break it and b) where Isaac cannot crawl over to it, to be accompanied by the screams of 'Mummy he's coming over, he's coming over to turn it oooooffffffff.' This leaves about one option, where Gracie is positioned in her 'Tinery' on one side of the gate, with the laptop on the opposite side and Isaac in the Jumparoo, since he can crawl between rooms at top speed and is attracted to the screen like a moth to a lighter. 

No, but seriously. It has become easier. I'm not sure quite what has happened but I think the weather turning to summer and a decrease in the level of screaming has had something to do with it. And I'm pretty 'on it' with the timings and preparations now. I know that getting food prepared before a toddler meltdown is essential and making sure I have snacks in most parts of the house and caffeine in the other parts is equally important, before I sit down (sit down??) to any tasks. 

I will write more sometime on the leap from one to two because I feel I have learned quite a bit and there's a lot I'd like to say/vent? on this theme. They say you learn more from your mistakes so perhaps that's why I'm feeling so 'clued-up', since I feel I have made so many along the way. Maybe I could even learn from some of these myself for when I make the leap from 2 to 3, or 2 to 4, given that twins is in my family. Hold on for that ride, people... (you might want to know where the brakes are).